The next time that we hung out was at the Brass Door. After the events at RJ's party, I was avoiding Jillian more or less, because it was an awkward situation. I knew she was attracted to me and I was attracted to her, but I didn't want to try and break up her relationship. I've never been that aggressive.
Also, I had started dating another girl who had been at RJ's party. One day, she told me she knew a guy who was doing a 24-hour film festival. The goal of the film festival was to get the premise for the script, get a location, and create a film in 24 hours. I got roped into helping with this guy's movie. I was playing an extra and I was encouraged to go on social media and see if anyone in the Memphis area would like to come down and be an extra as well.
So I put a post out on Facebook asking everyone and anyone if they would be interested in being a part of this project, and Jillian was the only one who showed up.
And it was nice to see her there because it was unexpected. And...I dunno. I felt kind of obliged to explain to her the film and everything. Then we got talking and just kept talking. So while my girlfriend was downstairs helping this guy with his film, I stayed at the bar with Jillian and we just talked. We didn't even drink or order food. And I've never been one who liked making light conversation, but it came so naturally with her.
Then it became apparent that Jillian wasn't needed for the shoot, and I felt really bad that I asked her to come all the way downtown for nothing. I figured she would have been pretty pissed, but she didn't seem upset at all. You know...it was like we finally had a chance to just hang out and talk--which was something we really hadn't done in a long time. It wasn't awkward or anything, it was just a chance to catch up. And it was nice to be alone with her and not be surrounded by a bunch of people.
When my girlfriend finally came back upstairs, I felt guilty hanging out with Jillian because I was having so much fun. I was there for a job, you know, I had agreed to help out with this film, but all I wanted to do was ditch the whole thing to hang out with her. I didn't, for some reason. I probably should have.
In October I broke off my relationship, and the next time I saw Jillian was at a Halloween party she was throwing. She invited me over and at first I didn't want to go. But she made a big deal about it and said I should be there, mentioned she had a friend she wanted to set me up with. Which, you know, I appreciated the gesture of someone trying to set me up, so I showed up. I wasn't enthusiastic about it, but I put together a costume and came to the party.
I did not feel an immediate attraction to her friend, but Jillian seemed interested in hanging out with me the most that night. But again, it was one of those situations where I really enjoyed spending time with her and hanging out with her, but we were surrounded by other people. So she had to go talk to other people and I had to talk to people. We'd get like 5 minutes together and then we'd break a part and go talk to other people.
And Jillian was the only one who got my costume out of everyone there. It was a really stupid costume, but she got it so I appreciated that.**
But I liked hanging out with her. I always had a good time with her. Like...normally, most guys, and certainly I've been there before, but when you're with a chick and you're trying to hook up with her, there's this tension or this pressure. But with Jillian, I never felt that--that push or that pressure. I mean, of course I was attracted to her, but I wasn't actively trying to hook up with her. 1) Because in my mind she was in a relationship, and 2) She was so much fun to just be around that I didn't feel the need to drag her into bed because we were having fun just sitting on the couch.
But...you know...I'm sure I thought about it from time to time...
Then Jillian got engaged and we just drifted. And I remember seeing her engagement and I thought, That sucks. She's off the market now. I was just really bummed out. I really didn't know what to make of it.
So I tried not to think of relationships much. I consumed myself with work and different ventures here and there, my art and such.
But I remember going out with her after her performance in Rapture, Blister, Burn. I got wine drunk at the show, and we went to Young Avenue Deli afterwards and I remember I just wanted to talk about my life with her and the different projects I was working on. I wanted her to be a part of it all. I remember her playing a real hardass--tough chick--in the show, and it was fun seeing that side of her.
**His costume consisted of jeans and a dark t-shirt that had the element Fe from the periodic table on it. Can you guess what he was?